Team Up Against Anger

I'm a big fan of the Narrative Therapy model. These theorists came up with the idea of externalization. It's a simple and powerful concept. We're not our problems, we're oppressed by our problems. If we can fight against our problems, if we can team up in families against our problems, we can bring all of our resources to bear and avoid shame and stigma.

Couples often engage in conflictual patterns that put both of them in a defensive/angry stance. They become flooded and say and do things that are damaging to their relationship and to each of them.

When couples team up against anger by agreeing to call time-outs on themselves (not on one another), they are effectively teaming up against anger. Stepping away to avoid flooding is the strongest move that an angry couple can make. Letting your partner step away when he's flooded can be difficult, but if you've both agreed that this is far more adaptive then engaging in an angry, explosive exchange, you'll come out ahead.

I always ask the person who has called the self time-out to come back to the table after calming down and re-starting the conversation.

You can slow it down. You can beat the pattern if you team up against the anger.

Nurture Shock

I'm a little late on this book, but I can't say enough about it. Po Bronson & Ashley Merryman have done a fantastic job of collecting the most pertinent and current data on child development and compiling it in a very entertaining way. Check out their website:

http://www.nurtureshock.com/

Private Practice Opening Soon

Starting later this summer, I will be opening a private practice in the Ravenswood neighborhood in Chicago. I'm continuing my 13 year career working with couples, families and individuals in a new setting. My work at The Family Institute at Northwestern was exciting and stimulating, but I'm very excited about the prospect of starting out on my own.

If you, or anyone you know wants to find out about doing therapy with me, or about my I Get You workshops, send me a message at jhetherington.lmft@gmail.com or call me at (773) 791-0469. I look forward to hearing from you.